It took a couple of days, before I realized what is going on, and that I will be inconsistent as a content creator (both YouTube and writing, both in Dutch and in English) for a longer period of time.
And that my new business as an online yoga teacher – something I just pulled out of hat and ran with it – is sincerely pulling me off track.
I need to send out some kind of statement, on what is going on behind the scenes, because the guilt is starting to eat at me.
Saturday I started my business, and that’s when it started.
And now it’s Wednesday, day 5, and I ve got my third live class tomorrow night, and I have three other appointments.
How did I get 4 appointments, in quarantine??
Tomorrow morning I have an hour’s work very very early, because of renovations around the house that require my help.
Then I have an appointment with a curator, who is dealing with the company that went out of business and that still has my mailbox.
Then I have hours of admin work and a financial appointment.
And then tomorrow night I have my third live call, which will also be the first Rock Star Yoga class I ever teach, not counting the half hour videos I created for YouTube.
And I feel my own body craving, craving yoga….
Well actually it’s craving sex, but with the C. crisis I put that in the fridge.
I mean, what are the rules on sex?
“The” rules or even just “my” rules?
If I want to be a responsible citizen (and I have vowed to be that, until this crisis is over and then I will never be “Good” again), can I have sex without being married/ living together?
Or with someone new?
With someone I already know?
With someone in good health under 70?
I don’t know, it’s complicated, and to be honest I ve just written sex off for now.
But just to be sure that when I say my body is craving yoga, you know I m lying.
I think it’s debatable if any body has ever craved for yoga, if you ask me.
But I m digressing.
So my body is craving for yoga, but instead of having two yoga moments a day (videos and my own practice), I would now ideally have three:
– my own practice
– the two videos
– teaching yoga online
Since doing the first two had already proven to be a problem – I would get aches and pains in my joints and around my bones – it goes without saying that this week has been impossible.
Today, Wednesday, is my day free from online yoga, and I had hoped to make my YouTube videos, do my creative writing (which I have also not done for weeks) All I managed to do was my groceries, get daylight, cycle, take a nap.
So there you have it.
Oh, and I hardly sleep because teaching nights is messing with my rhythm.
So for now, all I can say is that I have to prioritize straightening out – well, first of all myself! Doing my own personal yoga practice, whilst fully acknowledging that is not what the body really wants but that’s all I can offer it right now.
And then, secondly, I m focusing on teaching a good online class.
So both the English Rock Star Yoga channel channel as well as my Dutch yoga channel will be having new videos.
With the Dutch Corona semi-lock down extended to end of April, I m not sure yet when, or how often.
For me, one of the reasons I started Rock Star Yoga, was because I believed raising your energy was very important.
Living in freedom, and not limiting yourself by what is “good” (doing yoga on Wednesday night) and what is “bad” (secret relationships). I called it Rock Star Yoga because for me it stood for having the life force just flow through you in it’s purest form:
And purpose or passion.
With sex being cut off, I think I m unconsciously searching how I can expand on my purpose and passion, how I can go all-in, more-in, on that, so that I get by.
So that I don’t completely lose all my life’s energy, by being cut off from my own sexuality, with all these rules of social distancing.
Rock Star Yoga was a two pillar philosophy. It was both sex and purpose.
With one gone, it’s just going to take a little while, before I ve got my alternative energy sources in place.
But once you see me creating two videos a day, you know I nailed it.
Or broke the rules.
If you live in the Netherlands, you can check my online yoga groups here
I teach online yoga to friends and fans who live in The Netherlands.
vriendengroep online yoga
Rock Star Yoga (English) is every Thursday night